Saidin
by FenixBG
Summary: How did the men feel with the tainted Saidin at the end of the Age of Legends
1. Taint

Saidin

Chapter I - Taint

'I still don't understand what is this' Amaera said. 'I now know what you meant when you say that you feel dirty after channeling.' She looked worried. 'And that does not affect what you do with Saidin?' she continued while letting Saidar and thus breaking the circle.

'No, it's just… icky.' he replied. 'I think this may be something important, I should go to speak to my brothers. Would you like to come with me?'

The door opened slightly and a little boy showed his head through the outlet. Oliver, a child a little more than 12 years old was the child of one of the servants. Liahn always liked him. He insisted that they live here because this huge house is too big for only two people and their servants and children always created this warm atmosphere about the place. 'I want another child' Liahn suddenly realized.

'Aes Sedai?' said Oliver with his thin, childish voice. He would be a man one day. Liahn always wanted another boy. 'Aes Sedai, excuse me for the interruption. I know you said not to bother you today but my father told me that another Aes Sedai has come to the city and… I thought… you should know…'

'You did well informing us, Oliver, thank you.' said Amaera warmly. 'Is the Aes Sedai a sister or?'

'No, he is a man.'

Liahn got up from the chair. 'I will go talk to him, I wonder does he feel the same… thing… while channeling.' He looked at his wife who seemed as she had wandered off. 'Amaera?'

'What? Oh, no I think I will go speak to Merian Sedai. You know that she is one of the best healers. I think she would be interested in studying this. I should be back in a few hours.'

'As you wish, my love.' Liahn answered. 'Come on Oliver lead me to my brother.'

The child turned around and ran down the stairs. As Liahn closed the door he heard his wife whispering 'Keep me in your heart.' For all those years she always said that before Travelling away.

'Watch out Oliver, not to trip!' Liahn shouted. 'We're not in such a hurry.'

As he came downstairs he saw Oliver waiting anxiously at the wooden door. It's always nice to have someone to care about. The boy was pretty excited. Because of the other Aes Sedai or something else Liahn didn't know. As they left the building he looked back at the house where he had spent more than fifty years of his life with his wife and sister. The channellers always lived much more then everybody and only few of them get married to people who cannot channel. Most Aes Sedai don't get married because their partners would grow old and die, maybe even their children. Few can bear that. Most of the Aes Sedai nowadays who get married do it to one another – to their fellow sisters and brothers. 'Like me'

'Good morning Aes Sedai' said someone behind him. As Liahn turned around he saw one of the local smiths. A tall broad-shouldered man with short dark hair. At least it has been dark. Now it was grey. His father was a close friend to Liahn, now his child was. Child that was about 60 or 70 years old now. 'Good morning Jerham is the trade going on?'

'As always Aes Sedai, thank you for asking.' The sturdy smith passed by Liahn and then turned in the direction of his shop with a step which did not matched his age. 'I would not want to fight this man without the One Power' thought Liahn. He looked forward and saw Oliver about 30 feet ahead of him. It was still early in the morning but the streets were already crowded. He quickened his steps. While moving through the crowd he heard many more people wishing him to have a pleasant day and to have his trade going on. Everybody was polite to the Servants Of All.

'You would honor me if you use my Travelling room, Liahn Sedai' said the fat innkeeper in front of his "The Duck and The Grouse". Liahn thought many times of the achievements of this Age. 'What would be next one?' The human race was at its peak nowadays, how great would be in the next Age? Because of the Travelling all houses that were built these days had a 'Travelling Room' which was absolutely the same everywhere so that you can go wherever you want, whenever you want. Every person show pride when an Aes Sedai uses his Travelling Room.

'Thank you Eldarr, I am sure that I will one day.' A polite answer to a greeting although everybody knew that Liahn's house had its Travelling Room also.

With the edge of his eye the Aes Sedai saw Oliver next to the governor's hall so he quickly said 'Goodbye' to the innkeeper.

At the front door he sent Oliver to go back to his games and went into the tall white building in which the Aes Sedai usually met. As he walked through the lobby he saw a short, blue-eyed man standing in the center of the big premises. All servants seemed to be sent away. On the table in one of far the corners of the room a jug with wine probably laid untouched with two glasses next to it. The man, who seemed to look at the porcelain figurines on the shelf turned his head and stared at Liahn. He looked tired and his clothes looked crumpled.

'Brother! Liahn!' said the man suddenly. 'We haven't seen each other for… how long? Twenty years? How are you? Are you all right? How do you stand the Taint?'

'Taint?' said Liahn. 'What Taint? Oh! You feel the thing on Saidin too?' This would be the perfect word for this strange icky thing which he felt while channeling.

'Yes, brother. All the male Aes Sedai feel it.' Some of them have gone mad.'

Strange. Liahn had sat down but he didn't remember when he had done that.

'So, all those stories are true?' he said unbelievably. 'For men going mad. Is that because of this… Taint?'

'Most probably. But not everybody have gone mad. Women do not feel anything. Whatever it is it's only on Saidin. I fear touching the male half of the power. I've came here on horse and I'll continue east. I'm leaving today. I want to go the council. Even to speak to Lews Therin. This is too important. I'm even afraid to ask a sister to help me Travel. Oh, forgive me, I've forgotten my manners. How is Amaera? You two are still together, aren't you?'

Madness? Taint? Lews Therin? East? This was too much. What if Liahn goes mad too? What will happen then? Men who could channel – mad. This could break the world! It would tear it apart and everybody would probably be killed.

'She's fine, thank you for asking, Mordean.' he replied. 'Have you met with our sisters that can Heal?'

'No, I met only one Aes Sedai on the road…'

'What is it brother? What is bothering you, you look… sad. Is this because of the Aes Sedai you've said you've met? Was this a brother? Was he… mad?'

'Yes… he… he was male. I had to.. to.. kill him after I saw what he had done with a city guard… he thought himself as the Creator…' Mordean looked devastated. Liahn felt that way too. 'I'm afraid, brother… I fear for my life and for the life of the people around me. He was going to do the same to me if I did not have this Angreal with me. The one you gave me twenty two years ago. I cannot imagine what people would do if they cannot channel. Anyway, this… Aes Sedai is no more. I… I want you to have it back.' Mordean stretched his hand and opened it. In his fist was a small figurine of a man, standing on a horse. Or maybe this wasn't a horse. 'I'm leaving today.' He continued. 'I hope that I can go quickly enough before… before something happens to my mind. We must cleanse it. Even if we have to do a full circle of all Aes Sedai in the world. I have to find Lews Therin. Be careful, brother, I don't know where this Taint came from. I have to go now.'

With no hesitation Mordean left the room. Liahn remained on the chair. He could not neither say anything, nor get up. He should have not taken the Angreal back. He should've said something. But what?

Suddenly he felt pain. He looked at his hand and saw blood and broken glass sticking out of his palm. When did he get the glass in his hand? He felt strange. Warm. This glass looked awesome. Broken but still… actually that was the charm in it. Destruction. How the human body did look when torn apart? Shock! How did this thought come in his mind? Liahn suddenly realized that he had grasped Saidin. Not because of the battle for controlling Saidin, but because of the Taint in his body. He shook his head. 'I am not mad!' he shouted. 'I am not!'

He got up and left the room.


	2. The Other Side

Chapter II – The Other Side

Amaera left the hallway and directed to the Traveling room. She knew however that she would not open a portal to her home. She knew a small wood near the village where she usually rode her favourite steed – Firestep. She had to think. Neither did she want to return home to her husband. Merian had told her many things and all of them were awful. She had to get her husband Healed. No matter how many sisters would it take. This news of some men going mad really troubled her. So it's not just him who feels this… Taint as Merian called it, that's for sure but still. It had to be healed somehow. Everything but the death could be healed. She opened the portal and stepped through it…

...and immediately realized that something was terribly wrong. Those woods were just outside the southern gate and she could easily see that there was no southern gate. Rubble, stone, wooden beams, black and crushed, most of them still engulfed by fire, the smell of death in the air and fires all over the city. Rocks and stones were thrown out of the city as if something has exploded inside. She quickly embraced Saidar – the female half of the One Power. Whatever it was, it could be still in the city. Fear suddenly drew in her body. 'Light, my husband! Had something happened to him! Is he all right? Had he fought back? Is he in there?' Amaera ran. As fast as she could. The smell of burned skin was in the air, heavier than everything else. But there were no people in the city. As she walked through the empty streets the sightings she saw were awful. The more she entered the city the more devastated it looked. Few of the buildings have survived what had happened. Maybe it was some sort of natural disaster? Finally Amaera couldn't stand the smell in the air. While holding Saidar she felt as if the smell was ten times stronger and she had to release the One Power which may result in death if she doesn't have time to embrace Saidar again. She finally vomited. Where were all the people and where did the smell come from she didn't know. As her stomach finally had nothing more the throw out she continued into the city. Everything around her was in ashes. Strange grey ashes. And the smell. 'OH, LIGHT! THOSE ASHES ARE NOT WOODEN ASHES! THOSE ARE… ARE…'

Amaera opened her eyes and saw that she was lying on a street. Everything around her was destroyed and the street was covered with a strange ash. She got up and beat out the ash from her hands as good as she could. 'Where in the name of the Light… ?' She remembered and then vomited again. Obviously she had lost consiousness. Her head hurt. Maybe she had hit it while she was falling. As she gathered all the strength she could, she continued forward. If her husband had died here she would never know. As she walked along the streets she saw some bodies. Some of them were black – burned, others were torn apart. With all the strength she found she embraced the True Source. She weaved the five powers and her head bursted in pain as if someone had put her in a giant bell and then rang it. The test for resonace stated clearly that this was no natural disaster, neither was it woven by a woman.

The city was burned to the ground and the more she walked the more were the houses ruined. Out in the suburbs houses had at least the main floor left standing. Here from the main floors of the buildings was left only a wall or two.

Amaera turned around the corner at the end of the street and the view that was in front of her chilled her to the bone. With all the rubble and folded earth, in what looked like the epicentre of the destruction above everything else erected a building. Untouched by the elements of Saidin the house was three floors high and the walls were pure white. The scariest thing about this place was how unharmed it was. It looked as if it's haunted. But Amaera knew the house isn't haunted. Because it's her home.

In front and around the house there where no ashes. Only dead bodies. Bodies who have tried to outrun their death, coming from inside the building. One of the burned corpses caught her attention. A body of a person, about 3 – 4 feet tall. A body of a child. A body of a 12 year old boy… Amaera didn't know when she began to cry but tears ran down her cheeks faster than she could blink. She released Saidar and prepared to go inside. She had lost almost anything now, it wouldn't matter if she dies today or tomorrow. Prepared for the worst, prepared to see the burned dead body of the love of her life she entered the building.

It was empty. No one. Room by room she searched the house. Whatever happened outside, in here there was no sign of violence or struggle. Everything was clean and well-arranged. She couldn't find the strength to go outside again so she went to the Travelling room. Her husband could be turned to ashes and she would never know it. She wanted to die… alone. She weaved a portal to a pond, not far away from the city. The place her husband had taken her for their first night together.

The first thing she saw as she stepped trough the portal was a man standing next to the pond in the water, with all his clothes on. He was staring at something in his fist. A small statue of some sort of a man on a horse.

'Liahn?' she said with disbelief.

'What?' the man turned around. 'Hello, who are you? Have we met?' he stared at her as if he had never seen her. Her husband and brother – Aes Sedai.

'Liahn? What happened? Tell me? Do you now what have happened back in town? Was there a battle?' she said almost beggingly.

'Liahn? Who are you, do we know each other? You are pretty? I'm sure you hear this probably everyday but still.'

'Liahn! You're my husband, what had happened to you!'

'Oh, yes I have a wife. You look familiar. Yes! You're my wife, aren't you? I knew I know you from somewhere.'

He suddenly looked at the figurine in his hand. Then he stared at her if he had never seen her.

'Hello, who are you? Have we met?'

This was too much. Too much for one's heart. Amaera fell on her knees and released Saidar. The One Power wouldn't help her now. No one would.

'Amaera?' he said suddenly.

She raised her head instantly.

'Amaera, thank the Light you're here. Something terrible happened.'

For a moment she thought that he was joking.

'Amaera, I've gentled myself.' He whispered.

'Don't be stupid. You cannot gentle yourself alone.'

'Ok, I've burned out, does the term matter? I cannot channel the One Power anymore.'

Amaera Sedai looked in his eyes. Deep into his eyes. She knew her husband better than anyone and she knew that he was holding Saidin at the moment. No matter what he said she was sure that right now he is holding the One Power. And she understood what have happened.

Did she die of the heart attack because that her husband has done all this or because of the thunder that came from the cloudless sky, weaved from Saidin she couldn't know.


End file.
